Sunday, September 21, 2008


All my children have ever heard me say is "No, it's to dangerous", I shared this with T. last night. In the past I have lived my life safe in my little box, never stepping out of my comfort zone always worried about, "what if's". Never living life or allowing my children to have fun memories. My daughter mostly, my son is 16 now and just says," oh mom, i will be okay". So two and a half years ago I found a wonderful therapist, I call her my "life coach", she has helped me so much and for the past year and a half I have calmed down and stepped out of my safe box. I had to. I noticed my daughter was missing out, and I was missing out on making memories. I remember the first "risk' I took, Nonni (my life coach) presented me with tickets to the nutcracker and the days leading up to it I was panicked, my thoughts were , what if theres a fire, what if a shooter comes in what if people get mad if I have to step over there feet to use the restroom all kinds of thoughts. So we went and twenty minutes into it I was relaxed and enjoying the evening. That was my turning point and since then I have made great progress. I didnt want my daughter to turn out fearful of enjoying life. Then there was yesterday and my worries were confirmed. The world is mean and dangerous. I feel violated and my sense of security is weaker today than it was on Friday. I stayed up until 1am last night just waiting for something else bad to happen. Isn't that silly. I was crying and upset that I had to feel that way, I prayed for the person that took my purse and I prayed for my security to be restored. I have decided thanks to all of your encouraging words to not be a victim. I'm going to go shopping and buy me a new purse and a new wallet. Im not going to sit on the edge of my seat jumping up and looking out the window everytime I hear a noise, my dogs will alert me in the night if they hear something. One more thing I wanted to share. this summer my daughter wanted to stay the night at a friends house a few doors down. The little girl has a water bed and I told Avery if she slept on that bed she had to wear a life jacket:) Is that bad? Have a blessed day my friends, and again I Thank You for your nice thoughts and encouraging words:)


T said...

Keep the positive thinking and you will do fine. You KNOW that you can overcome your fears, because you already have, with the help of your therapist, so now you just need to remember to keep moving forward.

No one can bring you down, if you don't let them. Live your life the way you want to live it. Be happy, be strong, enjoy each day to the fullest.

I hope today is a better day for you. {hugs}

Shirla said...

I agree with what T said. Well said T. You have over come so much and you need to keep moving forward for yourself and your children. I have a fear of going inside banks. I have a horrible fear of going in there and while I'm in there it gets robbed. I will go through the drive thru and use the ATM, but just the thought of going inside gets me so upset. You are so much stronger then I am, you got help for your fears, I haven't. I have a few others, we live by the airport, planes fly over our house night and day landing and taking off, it seems to me that every plane flies over our house. I've had so many dreams of one of those planes crashing into our house. I also wont fly because of the dreams I've had that I was in a plane crash.
Whats my point in telling you all this, well I want you to know your not alone and I want you to know how strong I think you are for getting help. I only know you through your blog, but I admirer you so much. You hang in there and remember with each step you take forward, you grow stronger, don't let the person that broke into your truck take that away from you.

Shirla said...

I've lived by the airport the whole 20 years I've been married. My husband grew up in the house next door to the house we lived in. At our old house the planes would come in right over my house! In the early years I would freak each time one flew in, the UPS plane flew in everyday around dinner time and it was so low you could almost see the pilot! I hated seeing that plane coming in. When we moved 4 houses down from our old house I noticed the planes were starting to fly in over our new house! It was so weird for me! It was like they were following me. :(

Bass Pro Shop is like Cabelas. My son just got back from Bass Pro shop and he said, "Mom, that's my Graceland and Disney World all rolled into one" lol He LOVED it! We have a Gander Mountain that just opened up right near the Bass Pro shop and I thought I heard my husband say that Cabelas was coming here.

I'm glad your husband will be coming home. Even though it is only for one day I'm sure you will find great comfort having him home with you.

elsie said...

Hi Mrs. R,
I'm sorry this happened to you. Our sunday school lesson was on fear (Is. 7) and we had quite a discussion on it. The best part was the affirmation that the Lord is with us, to help us conquer our fear and our enemies. Keeping you in my prayers,

Anonymous said...

You do have to over come and know God is with you.He gives his Angels charge over us.There was evil in the world in the begin and im sure it will always be. But remember God hasn't given us a spirit of fear. The other side of fear is faith so step out and hold tight.

Elizabeth said...

Quit being a pussy. Ha Ha Ha. Seriously, I get scared when Jason isn't here overnight, so I guess living without a man in the house can be scary, but you really shouldn't fear the general public at large. Most of the fear you feel is without any logical reason. The media has used people's fears to sell the news, movies, and tv shows. In sociology, we looked into this, particularly how women's lives get held hostage by fear of "stranger danger" when infact, statistically speaking, most of these crimes are committed by people women know well and the random crimes against women are so infrequent that it's silly to even waste time worrying about it. After that class I stopped thinking about it so much because it was just self-destructive at the end of the day. "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself" So true FDR, so true. So somebody stole your purse, don't let them steal your sanity.

Kathi said...

I agree with T. Keep your chin up. You actually sound very positive. God can give you that peace again. I'm so sorry you have been violated like this. It's un-nerving. Bless you sweetie. Kathi